The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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