four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
