do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
