I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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