do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
