Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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