:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
