so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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