I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
