We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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