so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
MIDGETS
????
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
