and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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