Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
