dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
