awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize