For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
