After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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