I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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