I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
