he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
