Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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