Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
