She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
