my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm too high and old for this...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
