it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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