not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
