I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize