Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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