i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
