eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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