Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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