I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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