no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
