The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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