I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
