You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
