babies were throwing up all over the place
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
