just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
