do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
