The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize