I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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