I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
