She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
