so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
