everyone is single if you try hard enough
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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