Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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