it was like his penis was on wheels.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
