Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize