Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
