You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
