My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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