last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
