she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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