at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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