you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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