I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
