I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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