He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His nipple licking is glorious
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