It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
