i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
