We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
