my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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