now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
