I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize