So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
