dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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