sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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