I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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