weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
