I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize