ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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