I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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