There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
