I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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