I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
