I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
